Peter's Wife

Peter had only been back from war for a month and already I could tell he was a different man. He used to be so full of life, always happy and smiling: it was why I fell in love with him. Now, he paces around lifeless, ignorant of everything and everyone else. He shows no emotion towards his family and me but will often burst into tears for his comrades that didn’t return with him. He drowns his sorrows by drinking but this leads to violence. 

At night, he screams out in his sleep, shouting “Kill him! Get down!” It wakes up the children. I hear them crying in the other room. In the morning, he’ll wake up in tears, but he won’t let me comfort him, and it kills me. He doesn’t trust me anymore; he doesn’t trust anyone except his comrades, and they’re all gone now.

Sometimes, it’s like he’s never left the war. We’ll be walking down the street and we’ll hear a noise, nothing out of the ordinary, and he’ll drop to the ground, ready for combat. It breaks my heart to see him so afraid of everyday things, shaking the mere sight of a soldier’s uniform.

I don’t know if there is a way he can ever get better, shell shock is not a noble disability that is openly discussed, but I’m afraid that if he doesn’t get better we will all suffer. If the violent rampages he goes on do not stop I will be living in constant fear for all our lives. If he can’t control his aversion to loud noises he will never get a job and I can’t sustain this family on what we have now.

I miss the old Peter terribly and I dread he will never return from his war.